Crossing the Fine Line: Friendship Fallout

Before my hard drive ate the floor and wiped on a mechanical failure I mentioned writing about a bit of Warcraft drama. Well, this is the kind that affected both the online and offline socialization that often comes with MMOs. About three years ago, I would never had suspected the friendship I had with three  people would later on thrust me into a world of drama and deception.

Flash backwards in time with me. 
It all started within an Alliance casual raiding guild called, Continuum. When my husband and I joined it we were happy to be part of a guild that seemed to be full of friendly faces. Before in Burning Crusade we were in a less than stellar guild that treated my husband and myself as if were trash under their feet. Thankfully, the Continuum guild did not see us that way.

At first, it took time to get to know everyone within the guild. Gradually, as our toons fought side by side against many a hard foe; friendships formed. As we grouped together, and smashed our heads against raid bosses, a strong bond between us was created. An unbreakable link, I had thought, that would never be broken. I was completely wrong.

In a Nutshell
There are three people in particular that this revolves around. I will not name their names nor their toons names. Normally, I wouldn't even type about this situation but it bears a lesson to be learned that needs to be heard. The three involved will be named: Robert, Justin, and Sherry. The basic outline of the situation is that Robert and Sherry are married with children. However, it is soon found out that Sherry has been seeing Justin. What at first began as innocent flirting during questing and vent talks after raids then later on spiralled into real life as an actual affair. Needless to say that Robert was in the dark about it all until recently. The turmoil these three had with one another actually trickled into the guild. Which after a while began to tear apart at the seams. A few months later and the guild Continuum was no more.

Reflections 
This is neither about whether the affair was right or wrong nor is it about regretting knowing these people. What this entry is about is that as people we often assume that e-friendships are unlike real friendships. A person believes that at the end of the day, if you turn off the PC, then the players of Azeroth do not exist again until the power comes back on. To that end, it is then assumed that a e-friend is someone with whom anything can be discussed. Afterall, they are only pixels right? No need to watch what you say around an e-friend.

It's this wrongness of thinking that has led my husband and myself to break off our friendship with all three. We did not want to know what was going on. Yes, I had once suspected and asked if an affair was being had but all parties denied the existance. There was no reason to bring it up any further so I brushed it off as a bad instinct. Months later we find out that all the turmoil within guild was because of the bad vibes due to the affair. The constant lying that it was actually the fault of other guild members that led to the disbanding of the guild hammered a final nail in the coffin. There were guildies that were being treated like crap for no reason other than being scapegoats. We didn't need to know the details but pinning blame via false lies was not the right way to go about it all.  My husband and I decided to put it all behind us and transfer off to a new server. Unfortunately, I guess it wasn't clear that we no longer wanted anything to do with either of them. Due to this mistake we got whispers ingame and notes sent via Facebook about the aftermath of the affair from Justin and Sherry. All of this, and alot more, made friendship with them extremely uncomfortable.

It was high time to part ways.

This is the lesson 
In hindsight, we could have been more clear about the boundaries my husband and I often set for online friendships. Our expectations of each other--what we can handle, what we're willing to tolerate--caused major misunderstandings. If anything can be gleened from this entry it is to be cautious with your fellow Warcraft buddy. Have a candid conversation with your friend and discover the boundaries you shouldn't cross. Without this understanding, you undermine the friendship and friends wind up reading different signs and unwittingly hurting each other. And if you must end a friendship, do it with a measure of dignity and kindness. This lets both of you have closure and move on with one less gaping wound.


Thanks for reading!